Uwe Boll – The Ultimate Showman?
April 11th 2008 00:17
Uwe Boll gives the finger to his critics.
Right back at ya buddy, the man we hate for good reason.
It almost seems redundant to make fun of Uwe Boll’s filmmaking skills, all you need to do is watch five minutes of his work to realise he has zero talent behind the lens. An arrogant egomaniac who pays for name brand stars but forgets to leave a little cash aside for the little things like script development, lighting and editing.With no production values at all they are so bad that they even make Hollywood trash seem like it has merit. Think about those scenes in a porno when the sex isn't happening, that is kind of what a Boll film resembles.
What Uwe Boll (House of the Dead, Alone in the Dark, BloodRayne) does have in spades however is the near superhuman ability at self promotion and getting men in suits to finance him. He is like Cecil B DeMille mixed with Barnum, he just has lacks any talent. Kind of like any number of tone deaf singers that are promoted on looks alone and make millions. Appearance is 90% of the battle.
He has an exceptional knowledge of the rules of the game. Boll knows that when talking to executives dropping the name of a recognisable star and a successful video game is a sure way to get some backing.
Knowing that distribution is the most important factor he obtains video rights and strikes deals with the franchise outlets long before the film is completed. In a disposable society such as ours Uwe is aware that a new release on the shelf is always going to rent.
Exploiting Euro tax breaks for filmmakers, from a business perspective he has a savvy that should be envied. A man who has zero integrity, sees cinema as an industry, not art and aims at the lowest common denominator. If independent filmmakers had half his skills at negotiation and understanding the machinations of the studios then we would see a lot more quality cinema produced. The paradox of course is that true celluloid innovators and visionaries have that integrity thing that circumvents treating their masterful ideas as a can of coke.
I hate him because of what he represents. He knows that we live in a trash society, audiences demand nothing from entertainment except to switch their minds off and watch a star on the screen. Having their brains stimulated and social consciousness awakened is not a priority. In an era of reality TV and Paris Hilton movies, Boll is possibly the penultimate new millennium director.
In his own words, “I want to make entertaining movies for the younger audience.”
Embracing the universal hatred for his product Uwe Boll now has become infamous for his baiting of the critics and plays up to the image in order to garner even more attention.
This is a man who will be making movies for years to come despite the disdain that cinephiles have for him. The reason is simple, our hatred fuels him to purposefully taunt us and put him back in the spotlight. Being the worst Director of all time is just as good as the best because it means that people know his name…and that brings us back to brand recognition.
In response to the online petition to stop him, here is the most recent video that deliberately provokes us into wanting to cause the man physical harm.
Proving that he has no intellectual or artistic defense for his product, Uwe was reduced to throwing hands like a redneck when he challenged a bunch of critics to a fist fight…stupidly they indulged the one time semi pro boxer.
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I don't think there is a lamer duck than Uwe as far as insulting the horror genre, many try but it takes real skill to make such dull and technically vacant works.
Just like that crazy baptist cult though he thrives on us hating him it seems...maybe we should treat him like Freddy Krueger and remove his teeth through not fearing him anymore?